A Different Kind of Mirror
I have always held to the idea that each person we encounter is a mirror that gives us a glimpse of our own reflections and that if we want to gain some idea of what we are projecting into the world, all we need to do is look at those reflections and see what is staring us back in the face. There is, however, something a little different about the mirror and the reflection that your family provides to you. It is more personal, more intimate, often more uncomfortable and always more enlightening — even if a little painful at times.
Last week my family came out to visit us and after spending nearly a week together (both here in Philadelphia and a couple of days in New York) I was pretty tired of looking at my reflection in that particular mirror. I’m not really ready to talk about all of it yet. There is a lot of processing to be done and I don’t think I’m going to get the perspective that I need until I’ve gotten some distance from the situation.
Good times were definitely had, like the time we spent sitting in the Quaker church and hearing about the philosophy behind the founding of Philadelphia, which made me love my adopted city all the more. And of course there were the obligatory hair-pulling moments and the depressing miserable ones, like the time I started crying by myself in a Starbucks on Wall Street in the midst of a bunch of well-dressed stock brokers.
My family can be maddening, no doubt, but underneath all of the dysfunction and craziness is a tremendous amount of love. They don’t love perfectly (and yes, I know, who does?), but they do love deeply and when it comes right down to it, they want the best for me. That sometimes makes things harder, but it also makes it easier. And, of course, I’m not entirely without my own role in our little family drama. So, there you go. Let me just say that I saw myself more clearly than ever this week and that is going to have some repercussions.
So, now that work has calmed down and my family has gone I am looking forward to things getting back to something resembling normal around the Village. Maybe this week I’ll even manage to finally get my tomatoes in the ground. Think it’s too late? How long is the growing season here anyway?
And on another note, does anyone have any good suggestions for dog breeds that are good for people who have allergies?
July 3rd, 2006 at 7:27 am
The whole thing about getting along with famlies is pulling your field of view out, from two inches in front of your nose, to three feet in front of your nose. Takes years. And tears. Know that you are not alone in this kind of growth.
July 3rd, 2006 at 8:39 am
hairless dogs seems an obvious suggestion.
don’t get a dalmatian for about fifty thousand reasons. including the histamine issues. jack russell either.
July 4th, 2006 at 12:44 am
You’re thinking about getting a dog? That’s really exciting! I wish I knew of a good dog breed for you, but unfortunately I don’t know enough about them. Or maybe I heard once that bichon frise’s aren’t terrible with the allergies, but I could be completely mistaken.
July 4th, 2006 at 11:38 am
Poodles are supposed to be good because they don’t shed their fur - Guide Dogs for the Blind here in Great Britain breed Labradoodles (a cross between a poodle and a labrador) as guide dogs for blind people with allergies.
July 5th, 2006 at 1:42 am
Yea, a dog! We love our miniature dachshund - allergies were not triggered. Great personalities.
July 5th, 2006 at 8:17 am
There are a number of hypoallergenic dog breeds. Check out the American Kennel Club and Purina websites–they have checklists to help figure out which breeds are good for you. Then check out the sites of the individual breeds. You’ll often find info on those sites that you won’t find on more general ones. Good luck!
July 5th, 2006 at 11:26 am
Ah, the family can do scary things. I had a bit of a meltdown a few weeks ago when my wonderful big brother accused me of having told a lie when I was five about something that was very important to me. He was wrong–I know I told the truth because I remember the incident to this day. Ooh, how it stung. Guh. Love isn’t easy enough sometimes.
Dog breeds . . . I’m allergic to dogs, and I just take meds so that I can live with our dog Kayo, who is half husky (theoretically non-allergenic) and half Chesapeake Bay Retreiver. I’ve also heard that poodles, labrodoodles, and some other breeds and crosses are non-allergenic, but be careful. Only some of the poodle crosses inherit the poodle skin. All of the poodle/retreiver crosses I’ve met have been really nice dogs, but not all have been non-allergenic. Brushing any dog regularly and vacuuming or cleaning regularly will help, and getting rid of wall to wall carpets makes a big difference. And for lots of people, like me, the dog is worth the allergic reactions. I take extra meds before any kind of singing or telling gig, I don’t let our dog sleep in the bed with us, and I try to avoid overloading on contact with other dogs. Good luck!
July 6th, 2006 at 12:39 am
My suggestion for family distress….. more guitar hero!
July 6th, 2006 at 8:53 am
as far as dogs… golden retrievers are good, but shed. i’ve never had a problem with them, though, as far as allergies go. my “friend” (were you still there when i was tlaking about ym trip to NYC) has connections with a goldens’ rescue, so there’s that.
otherwise, i say go for the WonderMutt and stock up on allergy meds.
July 6th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
On the dog question — a friend of mine did extensive research last year on the allergy question and ended up getting a “Morkie,” a cross between a Maltese and a Yorkie. He is very small, very cute, and hasn’t caused any problems at all for my friend’s very-allergic husband.
July 6th, 2006 at 2:09 pm
Family visits are always so intense. I want to tear out my hair before they come, crawl under a bush while they are here, and then cry when they leave. They are so much a part of me and at the same moment, such aliens….
July 6th, 2006 at 3:24 pm
I would have to agree with some of the commenters: any dog with “hair” (as opposed to fur) may be a good choice. Maltese or poodles etc. Blends like Maltipoo’s etc. My boss has a poodle blend and I had absolutely no reaction when I played with her dog.
October 8th, 2006 at 2:07 pm
I think doctors can also prescribe medicine to humans to help with pet allergies.
November 2nd, 2006 at 7:56 am
The main problem with allergies seems to be with the dander (shedding of skin cells), rather than the hair or fur.
Longer-haired dogs also bring more dust/pollen/allergens with them in their coat, too.
But I have also heard that poodle-types and crosses are worth pursuing, if you don’t fancy a Chinese Crested (hairless, except for the punk ‘do).
Good luck…