Random Ramblings
I am continuing to work on the Kousa Dogwood Shawl. Last night I completed the second of three squares that make up the bulk of the shawl’s center. They are much smaller than I imagined they would be and I suspect the shawl itself won’t be very substantial. Still, it is enjoyable to knit, I have finally found something to use my own handspun on and lace always looks much smaller than it is until you block it. I guess we’ll see.
I have, for some time, been intending to sign up at the YMCA near our house, but each week comes and goes and I have yet to do so. This has been bothering me because one of my personal goals with this move was to commit to some form of physical activity. I am by no means old, but I am getting older and I can feel it in my body. My back aches, my muscles feel stiff and I struggle with a little sadness and anxiety from time to time. I know things would be immensely improved with just a little bit of exertion. I have made so many healthy decisions for myself in the last several years that this is really the last hurdle for me. So, I figured it was time to examine what is going on and why the reluctance.
I have often said that it is not exercise that I dislike, it is exercise for the sake of exercise. It seems so pointless. Even from the time that I was very yong, I have never been a very physical person. I tended more toward cerebral activities (which are far more sedentary) such as reading, writing, knitting, spending time on the computer, watching movies, lounging about and chatting with friends. At least spinning is a little more active.
When I was in college, I met and became very good friends with a runner and the way she talked about it excited me. At times it was like she was describing a drug-induced euphoria. So I decided that for my mental well-being, it was time for me to start caring for my body. I started by joining a Jazzercise class. It sounds so silly, but it was really fun. I was learning to be coordinated. There was loud, adrenaline-pumping music. Everyone was sweating. It felt so good to push myself. When I finally worked my way up to a decent level, I decided it was time to start running. I did — slowly at first and with great effort. Then, I got better, a little faster. I started not wanting my run to end. I was obsessed. Who cares if my knees hurt a little and my shins are aching? I didn’t. I just wanted to run. Until it started hurting too much and then, well, I gave it up for a little while to give things a rest. I tried a couple of times to give it another go, but it wasn’t working for me and my knees and shins were quite unhappy.
I went to a variety of running stores, trying to find the right shoes. I went to the doctor who sent me to a podiatrist and that is where I learned that I had flat feet and a weird thing that happens with my joints, I can’t remember what it is called. When I told my husband about it, I said I thought it might be called “general ligamentitis” which he found very amusing, and he now refers to it as my Four Star General Ligamentitis. I told my mother and she said my cousin has the same thing. The solution: orthotics. They all said they could help me run again, but so far, it hasn’t happened. Partly this is because I haven’t worked very hard to make it happen. But also, I am afraid of hurting myself beyond repair.
Running was the one thing that really changed my understanding of physical activity. It wasn’t exercise for the sake of exercise, it was exercise that transformed me for the 30 or 40 minutes I was pounding down the pavement. I felt invincible. I felt that if anyone tried to attack me or hurt me I would outrun them. I felt empowered. It was awesome. My lungs were so happy. My body sang everytime I collapsed onto my living room floor after a good run and I loved the calm relaxation that followed with my ritual stretching and drinking of water. I had clarity, focus and energy. It was awesome.
When I didn’t have running anymore I felt at a loss for how to go about finding that same sense of joy in physical activity. I decided to join a gym. I had to force myself to go, even after several months it was still hard to get going and get there. I convinced myself that it would get easier as I went. It didn’t. Eventually I stopped going at all. I didn’t want to cancel, however. I mean, surely I would go next week or next week or next week. So I just kept paying those monthly dues and for no reason. Belonging to a gym is expensive. And everytime I think about writing a check for $70 a month (Didn’t the Y used to be affordable?), I think about all the yarn and rovings and classes I could be buying with that money. So I haven’t signed up.
This past week things around here took a turn toward Spring. The weather is just beautiful and I decided it was time to do something about this exercise thing. Mr. Knittiot and I talked about it and we both feel that realistically speaking, the gym is not for us. I just don’t think we are gym people. So, what do we do? I decided to start simple. A walk — at least 30 minutes everyday — preferably closer to an hour. I get one day off per week. If I do this for 3 weeks, I am going to treat myself to a Yoga class. These are small, measurable goals. I am accountable for them to my sweetie and they aren’t going to cost me money that, frankly, we need to be diverting to other places at the moment.
My greatest hope and wish is that eventually I will be running again. Even if it is slowly and with great care. I’m not sure yet what the Mr. is going to do. He’s mentioned archery and fencing. We need to look into that. At any rate, the first steps are being taken, so to speak, and it doesn’t feel like some insurmountable task that I will never be able to keep up with. These are all good things. And after only a couple days of walking I already feel better.
March 10th, 2006 at 5:05 pm
My doctor says something that gets your heart rate going for 20 minutes, 3 times a week. That can be a walk. Once you get that, she recommends doing it more often.
Have you considered swimming? There may be a Masters swim club near you where you could get coaching and improve and get that long distance, push hard thing you got from running without your feet being an issue. The Y is probably a good place to start.
All sounds good, though. And very grown up on several fronts (including financial).
March 12th, 2006 at 10:46 am
*smiles* I started reading your post, and was thinking to myself, “Oh I’m going to post and tell her about walking!” Then I get to the end, and see you’ve had the same thought!
As I started to recover from the EB, my body was in such a state of atrophy, I couldn’t do a whole lot. I needed to start slowly and work up from there. Walking was perfect, and it’s free! And it’s something you and Mr. K can do together, and talk whilst you do it! And if you do it solo, you can wear headphones and listen to what ever adrenaline pumping music you like! Now I love it so much, I get crabby when I don’t get my walk for the day. It’s so low maintenence, you don’t have to plan to go, or adhere to the gym’s schedule. All you do is walk out the front door.
I started as Jove suggested above, just short walks of about 20 minutes a few times a week. Then I started increasing the length and intensity of my workouts (choose a route with lots of hills!). You are always in complete control of how long you walk, and for how hard.
And here’s the real bonus–walking is great for writers! I’ve heard many writers say their writing improves if they walk as part of their daily routine. “Keep you mind alert and notice things while you’re walking, and it will show up in your writing.” they say.
March 14th, 2006 at 4:21 pm
I have wanted to make that Kousa Dogwood shawl for a long time. I open the book and gaze at the picture every so often. Part of the attraction, I think, is that the yarn looks so luscious and creamy and I have not, so far, found any that lives up to my imagined shawl.
You are the first blogger I have seen attempting it. I will be interested to see how you like it.
As far as exercise goes, nothing beats having 2 dogs who never let you skip a day of walking.
March 21st, 2006 at 10:53 pm
I’m almost 2 weeks after your original post date but I just read it and had to say something.
I miss running quite a lot. Random backstory: several years ago I decided to finally start paying attention to my body, I who’d never run or been athletic at all. I started with walking and progressed to being able to run for a whole hour, something I’d never been able to do before. I was doing weightlifting at the same time, for the first time. I also had knee pain and frequently stiff knees.
Because of an injury that happened to my knee and needed lots of fun MRIs and x-rays and doctors, I found out the following things:
1) I’m flat footed, and it was kind of throwing off the whole alignment of my legs and back.
2) I’ve got a condition called subluxated patellae. Fancy name for the fact that my kneecaps don’t sit right in the “kneecap groove”, so their cartilage rubs against the bones behind, and my knees swell up and hurt when I do high impact stuff (e.g. running). They hurt when I put them in hot water, too, because it increases the fluid output, pushing on the nerves.
After the injury and because of this stuff I worked with a physical therapist and got custom orthotics. My balance for standing on one leg was improved immediately and it made a big difference in running - usually my calves would get really really tight, but after I started the orthotics they didn’t at all.
I am not a doctor, but I would suggest that the best thing you can do to get back into running is probably to strengthen your leg and hip muscles: hip abductors and adductors, quadriceps, and hamstrings. This was the point of my physical therapy. I’m not saying you have the same condition, just that making your muscles stronger will probably place less strain your knees. Yoga’s probably going to be really good too, it’s great for strengthening.
I find weight-lifting tiresome, but it does make a difference. There’s exercises you can do at home if you don’t wish to be at a gym.
I love walking but I can’t seem to get going fast enough or there’s just not enough hills around to get my heart as interested in the exercise. I suck it up and belong to a very bare-bones gym ($20/month) where I use the elliptical trainer, the treadmills, the bikes, and the weights. You might also look into cycling, it’s lower impact on the knees, you get to be outside, and it can feel just as good as runnning if you can find somewhere you can build up speed.
Sorry for the long comment, your post just struck a chord with me. I so miss running, it’s just a really bad idea for me now unless I want knee replacement surgery before I’m 40. Cycling is great though, you can feel like your almost flying. Anyway, lots of blah blah blah from another ex-running knitter.
April 4th, 2006 at 9:13 am
I’m super late on this one, but here you go: I’ve been fortunate enough to have active people in and out of my life forever and they have pulled me into activities. Find something that feels like play. Currently, I bike ride, and I joined a racing club. The rides with them are hardcore work outs and so much fun! I used to mountaineer and we still hike the local peaks ocasionally. I’ve climbed Aconcagua, the highest peak in the Western Hemisphere at 22,800 feet, twice. I was hanging out with people who liked to hike, gradually got drawn into hiking bigger mountains, and found myself in a lifestyle of driving up to the mountains and planning national trips frequently. To me, it takes finding a group that finds strong physical activity to be a normal part of life. Gyms are boring, unless it’s a good class.