the Village Knittiot

Last night Mr. Knittiot and I watched A Very Long Engagement, the new Jeunet movie starring Audrey Tautou. I am exceedingly fond of Jeunet. The first time I saw Amelie, I went to see the movie with the then just-a-friend now a spouse. Before we arrived at the movie we had a fairly short discussion about “Why you make me so nervous” in which I told Mr. Knittiot he made me nervous. With a twinkle in his eyes, he asked me why, prodding gently. I later realized he knew exactly why, but at the time I said, “I don’t know, you just do.” Indicating that the conversation was over. But it pretty much haunted me for the next week and I finally came to the conclusion that he made me most nervous because what he represented in my life was a real relationship with someone who knew — and I mean really knew — me. All of me. There was no pretending, no games, no safe places to hide behind. There was just me and someone who saw and knew all of it.

So we went to see Amelie and here was this amazing and magical and charming story of a girl who needed to learn to open her heart and take a risk if she was going to find love. And when it was over, I could hardly talk to Corvus about the movie except to say something safe and inane such as, “Weren’t her clothes lovely?” (Which is *incredibly* unlike me, a person who normally needs to talk and talk and examine and disect a movie). Corvus laughed and said he would see me on Sunday (right before leaving for a week to attend a convention in Austin) and then he wrapped his arms around me and did this thing that only he does and which makes me feel as if nothing could bad could ever happen — he placed his hand at the back of my head and we fit together in the most amazing way. This, I finally realized, was what it means to be held. I never had been before.

By Sunday I had discovered what he apparently already knew, but this only served to make me feel more nervous. I told him that I didn’t think we could work out and then I made him leave because what I really wanted to do was hold him and kiss him and that didn’t seem to fit with the “I don’t think we’ll work out” line. So he left. The next night my bestest best friend in the whole world gently helped me realize that I was an idiot. Still, I had to wait a very long and miserable week for him to return so I could tell him I was wrong. I was terrified I was imagining everything that he didn’t really have any feelings for me and so on and so forth. Halfway through the excruciating week my dear friend Gerg (that’s not a typo — his name is Greg, but we call him Gerg) sent me a very nice email about how I deserved happiness and not to be afraid and then he took me out to see Amelie and it was as if I were seeing it for the first time and oh how remarkable it was to realize that a movie has a message just for you. When Corvus returned, well, the rest is history.

So, when I heard that Jeunet had another movie coming out with Audrey Tautou, I was excited. And I was not disappointed. The thing that I love most about Jeunet is the hope that is always so present. It is not that pain and suffering do not exist or that life is perfect. But it is always bittersweet and such a gift that you feel grateful and reflective about every moment. Who else could portray the massive loss and misery of World War I and still give you hope and joy? Only Jeunet. Only him. Also, as my lovely sweetie pointed out, he takes incredibly sensitive and talented Americans and puts them in his movies. People like Ron Perlman (City of Lost Children) and Jodie Foster (A Very Long Engagement). There is so much tenderness in what he does and he treats humanity with delicate hands. I needed to see someone treat humanity with delicate hands after this week…

I mentioned some time back in a post that there is a line in this country that you drop below and you cease to be a person. And nothing has demonstrated this so visibly than what has happened in New Orleans this week. I am so sad these days and frightened. Things feel bleak, like we are looking through a haze of misery and suffering, and I find I am looking for the bittersweet and tenderness in everyday existence more and more.

On top of which, I finished Harry Potter this week. Those of you who read it know what I mean.

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 3rd, 2005 at 8:37 am and is filed under this Random Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.